Take me to the moon.

I’m not really sure when

or how this crazy feelings started,

All I know is that,

whenever you act sweetly to me,

or when you’re being your gentleman self,

my heart pounds so fast and a little smile forms my lips.

I told myself that maybe you are really just like that,

That I should just not assume,

or expect anything from you…

But then, again, my heart is really stupid

She whispered to me:

“Maybe he’s interested with you too…”

As time goes by, I guess this little feelings of mine gone overboard

I started acting so strange with you…

I don’t even know if you noticed it,

But when you are link with someone else,

I could never join the teasing,

and would just sit in the corner, silently hurting

With that, my brain scolded me..

She angrily said:

“I told you so, he’s not gonna fall for someone like you.”

I waited for ms. Heart of mine to defend me,

But maybe she was too hurt to even uplift my crumbled world

Right now, I don’t even know what to do or how to act around you.

This is why I hate falling in love…

You get hurt all the time…

The sad thing about my situation right now…

is that I cannot even express my feelings to you…

Sometimes I wanna marched up to you and say..

“Hey, Are you that insensitive not to know my feelings for you?”

But then again, who am I to tell you that?

I remembered, my friends used to tell me,

that I’m always choosing and falling for the bad guys, the wrong guys

and that’s why I usually end up getting hurt.

But why is it like this again?

I thought I wouldn’t be hurting again because at last I found someone good,

I guess my friends were wrong.

Even a good guy could break a heart.

Funny it may sound,

but one time I asked a friend of mine,

“Can an angel fall for a devil?”

She answered back…

“That could never be, they are from two different worlds.”

Maybe she was right..

Maybe someone as good as you could never like someone as bad as me.

Maybe the angel could only fall for another angel…not for a devil…

In every funeral mass, the priest would always say that, “we are gathered here today to remember and celebrate the life and memories that we have with our deceased.., and  now as I try to reminisce the memories I had with my Lola, I realized that I have a few. 

I know that I am not that close with her. I may have visited her always but we never had made long conversations with each other. I admit, I was not affectionate towards her. Sometimes, I acted like I don’t care. There were times that I felt like I was the least favorite apo of her. That sometimes I felt like an outcast whenever I go to her house. So though I am usually talkative, whenever I’m in her house, I would just be there sitting in a corner and would just smile and talk from time to time whenever she/they would ask me something. 

I remember the time when I decided to take up Broadcasting as my College degree. The first person who didn’t agree of it was, yes, my Lola. This is exactly her words, “Ma.ano ka? Mainterview sa kaputukputukan sang Basilan? Delikado maging broadcaster Janielle Anne. Nursing ka na lang.” I laughed. Back then, I thought that she just wanted me to be on the medical field since well mostly in the family is a doctor, a dentist or a nurse. But then,just as stubborn as I am, I pursued that desired course. Lola never complained about my course then. Now, as I think of it, she was never really against the course that I took but rather just worried that my safety would be jeopardized later on. 

When I graduated college, I remember that Lola would always boast to whoever person who visits her on occasion that I already graduated in UP. And as always, I would think that lola’s being “pa-ulit ulit” again with me being graduate and all. I have never really given much attention about those simple details, those simple acts of love. Now, I realize that, yes she was proud of me.  

Before, I would say that Lola doesn’t really favors me that much. But now I felt that it was really my fault why we were not that close. I have put a wall between us. I distanced myself from her. She have shown me her love in her own little way but I was too blinded to see and feel it.

It is true that we would only regret something when it’s already gone. I know this short write up would not erase all those wrong doings I’ve done. But I just want to express my love to my dearest Lola. I know that she has already forgiven me but still I am sorry for everything. Now that she is already with Lolo, I believe that she is happy and contented.

Lola just wants the best for me. So with that, Lola, I will do my best to straighten up my life and to be a good daughter to my parents. I love you Lola. Farewell.  I believe that whenever I would look up the sky, you are there watching, smiling and guiding me.

Buzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz…. Buzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz. I slowly opened my eyes as I’ve heard my alarm clock. I stared at the ceiling, blink for a couple of times and then smiled. It’s November 19. Oh yes, it’s my special day, my BIRTHDAY! Rejoice!

And then, it hit me, It’s Monday. It’s a working day. And oh I’m all alone at work since everyone’s on training. My smile suddenly turned into a frown. But oh well, what can I do? Life goes on.

So I prepared to go to work when I suddenly felt dizzy. Did I mention that I’m sick that day? Talk about a good day huh? But still, I have to be back at work. As I was sitting on the bus on the way to work, thoughts lingered on my mind.

I remember, when I was still a kid, I’m usually so excited when my birthday’s nearing since there will be gifts and there will be a lot of children to go to our house to celebrate my birthday party. That thought made me smile. When I turned older, there were fewer gifts since people are so “kuripot” already ot give you one plus they will tell you that you’re already old so there’s no need of gifts. But there were drinking sessions with my friends. Everyone would be so wasted that on the next day no one seems to remember anything. LOL

Now as I reminisce those times, I realized that when we become older, our priorities changes. When we were young, birthdays are a big deal as well as gifts. When we grew older, gifts are hardly in the picture, just companionship with your friends. And now as we become much older, gifts, parties, and drinking sessions are slowly getting out of the picture. Everyone seems to be so busy with life. We already have priorities that we need to tend to first before we do things for ourseleves.

I was so lost with my thoughts, when my phone vibrated. I opened it and there, was 30 messages from my friends and families greeting me a Happy Birthday. I smiled. I signed in on my Facebook and Twitter account, and there I saw a lot of greetings too. I smiled again.

Who needs gifts and parties, when you’ve got friends and families who sends you heartwarming, tearjerking, mindblowing messages? IT IS INDEED A HAPPY BIRTHDAY!

—————————————————-XOXO———————————————————-

One afternoon while I was chillin’ alone on our terrace, I saw the old neighbor in front of our house also sitting all by himself. Though we are technically doing the same thing, I can’t help but to pity him. I mean, I was there sitting all alone because I want to. I could have went to the mall or hang-out with my friends but I didn’t. In short, it was my choice, my decision, my own will to do nothing at the moment and to just be with myself.

On the other hand, the old man across our house was there because he can’t go out anymore. His children are all busy with their lives so they can’t accompany him…And it might be that his friends can’t also go out because of their weak bodies or worst they’re already dead. So there he was, sitting and watching the passerby’s, not because he wanted to, but because he doesn’t have a choice. 

As I look at the old man,thoughts of being old and alone strikes me. What if that will happen to me when I become old? Will I be like the old man? What if the time will come when I don’t have a choice anymore? What if I wouldn’t have anyone to lean on except myself?

And as I turned my back and entered the house, I keep on thinking what will happen to me in the years to come when all the energy of being a youth fades…. As I picture it out… The thing that is sure, is that, It is scary, frightening and DEFINITELY UNCERTAIN. 

 

You know right away,
before it technically begins,
that he is the wrong man…

But it’s too late,
You’re there and naked.
It would be inappropriate
to jump, get dressed and say,
“I’ve changed my mind…”

He begins.
You feel like a pink tulip…
in a field of dry, brown hay.

You can hardly see yourself anymore,
The hay is so tall.
You, in your pinkness,
are in the wrong place.

The sensation surrounds you,
drowns you…

Then, suddenly,
you start to enjoy,
his touch…
his caress…

Your pink petals starts to open, wide.
Your petals spread their wings,
and slowly reaches heaven.

You explode,
and start throwing pieces of pinkness…

You bathe in your own pinkness and him…
You feel alive.
Overjoyed. Happy.

Suddenly you realize,
This time,
It was not sex with the wrong man…
Not this time.
Not this man…. 

Love is pain, they say
But I will never leave you,
Come what may…

People insist that I should have just left,
But I can’t even last a day without your scent,
So tell me, what shall I do with this predicament?

Maybe, they’re right, I’m crazy
But hey it’s all because of you my baby
And one thing’s for sure,
This love’s not hazy….

You ask me why I’m still here?
I ask back, Baby isn’t it still clear?
Didn’t you know, losing you is my only fear?

They say, you’re not good for me,
But you make whole, can’t they see?
So Darling, just listen only to me…

Now as I look at your face
I can’t help but be amaze,
Now this is one of the reasons for this craze.

I realize, You hardly smile,
But when you do…Oh I’m so high…
And Oh baby, I just want to fly…

Sometimes you make weep,
But babe, don’t even worry about it,
You’re still the only one that could make this heart beat. 

I know you have doubts, 
That later on we’ll experience dark clouds,
Or maybe, we’ll not end up on safe grounds…

It’s going to be hard…
But don’t be so sad, 
I’ll swim with you ad-mist the flood. 

So baby, please erase that frown,
Don’t listen to all the talks of the town,
‘Cause no matter what,
You’re the only one who could wear My king’s crown..
 
(This poem was inspired by the fanfic “The Shadows” and “The Black Phoenix” by Hagocimit… You need to read it people! It’s just utterly beautiful..) 

You know that feeling that you’re in love with someone but then a lot of people are also in love with that person. Like you don’t stand a chance to be with him or like getting his attention is like asking for a free ticket to the moon…So the chances are, well impossible! 

And since you can’t even go and talk to him, you just checked him online. Google him, trying to search for him on facebook or follow him on twitter for you to be updated with his activities and whereabouts! Yes, you are beginning to be a stalker because of your fvcking love over this creature who doesn’t even know you exist. But who cares right? As long as you can see the latest instagram photo of him that he uploaded, everything’s on its right place. 

Okay, now he updated his twitter saying he likes coffee.. and you’re like “OMG! We’re so meant to be, I love coffee too!” You feel so giddy all of sudden and you look like a fvcking retarded smiling all day because of that simple tweet. Also since most of the living creatures here on earth seems to be also smitten by your crushie, you started to hang-out with this people or would I say connect through social media, twitter, facebook, etc. etc with them.

It’s actually crazy to be in an ok terms with someone who likes your fantasy guy but you’re already insane over this guy that you’re gonna do anything to be connected and updated for him. So even if you bicker with those girls whose more compatible with Mr. Perfect, still whenever someone insults or throws some nasty things about him, you all would fight to those undeniably blind people who don’t see the awesomeness of this Angel. 

And you know what’s funny? You expected to have cat fights with those girls who loves your Baby Boy too, but the opposite happened. You became friends with those biatches! And then you started to just share Pretty Boy! I mean sharing is loving right? But then again, like what I’ve said, chances of being with him is IMPOSSIBLE! So yeah, here you are with your biatches just researching over the new things your oppa is in to… Anyway, that’s the farthest you all can do! Aist, Told you it’s hard to love Mr. Popular…… Heartbreaking but Mr. Celebrity will always be just a dream! +.+
                                        ———-XOXO———- 

The World is a harsh place and Humans are like lions that are ready to eat you alive anytime. With this, the bitch-attitude-cover-up was invented. 

Bitch-attitude-cover-up
   : pretending to be a bitch
   : When provoked that’s when you show them what you’ve got.
   : You’re not really legit bitch like the others, you’re just acting to survive the   harshness of this place. 

In fairytales, there will always be a princess who is very kind, good and loved by everyone. Of course the evil queen who is obviously evil and exactly the opposite of the princess will also be a constant part of the story. This is not really far from reality. The only difference is,the princess learned the bitch-attitude-cover-up so that she can fight the evil queen fairly!

So if in fairytales, the princess would always just cry, pity herself and would do nothing whenever the evil queen do mean deeds to her…In real life, that’s is not acceptable! You know the line “an eye for an eye”? So in reality, when the evil queen throws a rock on the princess’ face, the latter would throw back a rock twice bigger than what was thrown to her. See the princess is not really a bitch, the evil queen is. She was provoked which made her use her bitch-attitude-cover-up.

You see in magic land of fairytales, no matter how powerfully evil the queen is and stupidly kind of the princess, in the end the princess would still win. Not gonna happen in the harsh land of reality. If you’re gonna let someone bitch you around and ruin you, you’re gonna lose at the end honey. She’s gonna have the last laugh. Do you want that to happen? No, right? So you might as well gear up, be ready for battle and always bring you bitch-attitude-cover-up on the go. You’ll never know when you’re gonna need it., the evil queens/legit bitches are just around the corner sweetie. Be always prepared and keep one eye open! Arasso? :)
                                             ———-XOXO———- 

Have you ever experience that feeling of coldness in your heart over someone. Like if she got into some pitiable state and everyone seems to be sorry for her but then you on the other hand just can’t feel a thing? Or maybe you felt something. A bit of satisfaction, perhaps? Sounds like bitch attitude 101, right?

It’s not that you’re happy that it happened to her… It’s just that you don’t care… And hello it’s not as if you wished for that. It’s just that luck is on your side, not with her. It really sounds mean…isn’t it? But anyway, just admit it, you’re just like that because you hate her. You’re an anti of that person for crying out loud so hello again? Isn’t it just understandable that you are acting like this? Gosh! This is funny, I’m using a third person here when in fact I’m just talking about myself. hahahahah! 

Okay, I’ll just admit it, once I decided to hate someone, I hate them for a long time and deeply. And it’s not as if I just hate them for no reason at all, of course they did something that insulted me or made me angry or something. So please no judging… ‘Cause I know you also have a list of people-you-want-to-get-rid-on-this-world! And like I always say that’s just how life goes.

So where was I? Oh yes, when I start not to like someone,be sure that it would remain like that as long as he/she will do something really good in my eyes in able for that hate to vanish.. Like for example, kill herself? hahahahah! Okay, Chill! I’m just kidding here. A simple change of her slutty-attitude would do! 

Now here I am, wearing this poker face of mine (but smiling a lil bit, just einie minie smile) while reading some bad news about that hate-able person. Don’t hate me too much folks. I want to feel sorry for her. I really do. I’m actually trying so hard to shed even just a single tear for her (insert exaggeration here) but too bad my tears seems to be on vacation today. But come to think of it, if something bad happens to me, I bet my haters will be delightful too. So I guess, it’s fair enough, right? Oh whatever! Don’t make me feel guilty people. I promise to pray for her soul later. Okay? Now let me just enjoy this moment… hahahahahhaha :P

P.S.
Still trying to be compassionate over her….. STILL FAILED! SUE ME! :p
                                         ———-XOXO———- 

“Guys are polygamous”.. I have been taught about this when I was 13 years old. I really can’t remember who taught me…but Oh well…the thing is I didn’t believe in it. I mean, I’ve watched a lot of Disney movies at that time and hello, Prince Charming is so faithful to Cinderella. So there’s no way that line “guys are polygamous” is true! Well not until I’ve broken my heart and experienced it first-hand.

I don’t really wanna rant over how we met, how he courted me and how I fell in love with him….So to make the story short, I was in love with this guy. We were together. I love him. He loves me. We were happy. And then comes the tragedy… He was still the same. Makes time for me, nothing really change. But then one day, a friend of mine said that he saw my boyfriend that time talking to a girl. So I told her, maybe they’re just friends. I just shrug it off. I mean I trust him and all. But I guess, I should have listened to my friend because looks like Mr. Boyfriend of mine is actually really cheating on me.

So I confronted him. Of course at first, he was like, that’s not true at all, we’re just friends, blah blah blah… But it didn’t took me a century to make him spill the beans. And yes, he admitted it. But what really shocked me was that he said that he was just playing around, that I’m really the one who he loves. I was rolling my eyes over his explanation. He started crying, pleading, making bargains that he’ll never do it again. Somehow my heart broke of that sight of him. So I gave him a chance to prove himself again. 

Fortunately, he didn’t do it again, but we did broke up later on.. Not because he cheated on me again but we just grew apart. Though we’re not together anymore, those lines that he told me that “guys sometimes play around but then they will always go back to that one girl they truly love at the end of the day” still remains in me and become some sort of my relationship guideline. 

With this, I came to realize that, Yes guys are polygamous. We can’t change that. There will be times that they will fool around, cheat and the likes..but you know what’s the other thing that I’ve learned, Guys do know true love and even if they fool around sometimes, they will ignore all those bitches, once you’ll tell them that you’re gonna leave them. In short, you’re still gonna be the one laughing at the end, not those bitches!

So when someone tells you that this guy is so faithful that he doesn’t even look at other girls except his girlfriend, think about it again….and again..
                                       ————XOXO—————